i'm no ho

arriving on location as a photo double, i am often unaware what person i will become. the agency that sends me attempts to match my height and shape to the actor i’m replacing, but sometimes that’s the extent of the similarities.  this day, my first stop was at the wardrobe truck to pick up my costume.

‘you’re the ‘ho’ double?’ the mistress asked, rather surprised.

turns out i’ve been brought in to trick the viewers into thinking i’m a middle-aged asian. luckily i was heading to the hair and make-up trailer next, because i wasn’t quite convincing the wardrobe gal. as soon as i stepped into the mobile make-up/hair salon, the lady holding the hair curler turned to me and sized me up. 

‘you’re the ‘ho’ double?’

shrugging, i sat in the empty chair, with a sinking feeling of not measuring up. once transferred to the proper seat, my asian transformation began. darkening my hair wasn’t a big deal, and the haircut was free, though uncomplimentary. getting a pale shade of make-up applied seemed appropriate as well. the final edit, however, was laughable: my fingers needed a shave. that’s right, the hairs next to my knuckles were not very asian, and were swiftly removed.

appearing more believable from the back, i warily wandered onto set. i located the setting for the scene, a van parked in a lot surrounded by lights, and approached with feigned confidence.

‘you’re the – ?'

‘yes, the ‘ho’ double. i know, i’m not exactly asian.’ 

not even part asian, actually. i was placed at the console of a surveillance operation in the van. as crew members arrived, i swear they each uttered that refrain of disbelief. there wasn’t a single middle-aged asian available at the agency? the director was considering placing a more authentic-looking random passerby in my stead. indeed, there were asian men in the area, but how many would be willing to participate?

one grip committed a faux pas by commenting ‘this guy doesn’t look oriental’ in earshot of the two asian crew members.

finally, realizing finding a replacement was futile, the crew lined up the first shot, which required me to point out something of interest on the surveillance feed. luckily the make-up department had the foresight to shave my finger hair! my slick digits were featured in the frame!